When I joined TISA, it opened for me a whole new world. Lots of people to interact. People who dealt the same problem as me, and more importantly people who I could relate with very well. As I began interacting with more and more people, I got exposed to different perspectives about stammering and related stuff. But I was often met with a very common question - "What is the meaning of your ID - Silent Scream?" So here I am, writing down the story behind the silent scream..!
It was way back in 2005, when I completed my masters. Now was the time to start a new phase. A time to start my career. And like all PWS, I was anxious, nervous, jittery and apprehensive about it! I started by job hunt. Gave a shot at many interviews.... During a few of these Interviews, the interviewer expressed doubts in me, because of my stammering. They would say - "This is a position of IT consultant… It would need lot of talking with the clients. Will you be able to do it?", or "Why didn't you opt for a teaching job? Are you scared to face the crowd ?" All such questions full of doubts frustrated me. Time was ticking... and it was 4 to 5 months since my I had passed out.. And I was still hunting, whereas all my classmates had taken a teaching or some call centre job. I thought that I couldn’t even pursue a temporary call centre executive or a lecturer job to make some money for time being, like my friends did.

I finally got a job (I am still posted in the same company). Though I was in a much better state with regards to my stammering after I started breaking out of my shell, during my masters, that feeling of fighting a battle was still there. I was in a state wherein I wanted a vent to release my emotions. I wanted to share my thoughts and get a few views about stammering. But I dared not to discuss this with my friends, family members and colleagues. Because, I was feeling ashamed and embarrassed of my stammering.

At this time, a social networking site made waves with it's popularity - it was Orkut! I had joined it. My friend's list was growing. I searched for Stammering and found 4 to 5 communities on stammering. But I did not have the courage to join those communities. I thought - "What if my friends notice that I have joined 4 to 5 communities of stammering? What will they think of me and my problem?" I felt too ashamed to join those communities with my id. In the end I decided to make a new "anonymous" id.

I baptised this id as "Silent Scream" ( This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it ). "Silent scream" told about the situation and my mindset that time. At that time, I thought that with all these struggles that I am going through with my stammering, there are lots of things about me that others don't understand, and probably never will be able to understand. There are lots of things within me, which I need to say, or shout, or scream. My mind was screaming to the world that I am not what I am made to be by this problem. I am different. I am not shy, quiet, and nervous, but it is this stammering that is making me such a person out of me. But all those screams are never heard I thought. Because no one understands a stammerer’s plight. All those screams were silent to the "fluent world".

So thus, "Silent Scream" was born, in search of other fellow soldiers battling with the same battle. And I started to meet a lot of friends. I shared my views, got opinions, advices and lots of perspectives. It really released the emotions. As they say "Knowledge and sorrows multiply when you share them".

During his journey, Mr. Silent Scream made friends with a professional Speech Therapist in one the communities. She was very helpful, and helped me very much on chat, e-mails and even on phone, with her professional advice. I’ll be always indebted to her for trying her bit to help me. She suggested that I should be doing away with this name "Silent Scream" as it is too emotional, and something that will always remind me of my problem. Hence I changed my name to - "Harry - Flying High". A few days later, engrossed in my work schedules, I was not able to access this id.

Years later (2009), I started to frequent my visits on orkut with this id again. I now changed it to - "Harry - Silent Scream is Back". I resumed my interaction, and this time noticed that the list of regulars had changed. I made friends with many new members like Manpreet, Praveen, Kishore and many more. Through them I came to know about TISA (Sept, 2009), and the rest is known.

The Silent Scream id has now become my id to communicate with TISA and other fellow PWS. I got advice from a few PWS-friends that this id is too negative. But because of this Mr. Silent Scream, I could make so many PWS-friends online, discovered TISA and explored a whole new world altogether! Now, I have changed my orkut profile name of this id to my own name "Harish Usgaonker (TISA ID)". But the Silent Scream is still existent in the e-mail id. And I keep it the same because this id has introduced me to a new world, and has made a different person out of me then what I was before "Silent Scream" came into existence.