As you go through this sharing, this case study, please note following salient facts:

• Even family is not able to appreciate the problem a CWS passes through while growing up. There is no 'language' to discuss and understand stammering experiences at present.
• Browsing Internet tells us that we are not alone- there are many like us. A big jolt!
• A traumatic event often becomes the big turning point. Before that, we just carry on with life.
• Those approaches, which give controls in our hands (rather than to the expert or therapist), help us better. In this case it was Vipassana, recommended by the father.
• The writer states that he still stammers- but obviously his stuttering mind set is gone. This is recovery indeed.
• The one thing which started all this was- his courage to talk about it, to share his thoughts and feelings with the world through writing and video.

These are the clinical nuggets, underlying recovery of this young person. Read on.

"do u know what it feels like....??"

hey guys.........probably the title of this post is stolen from an Enrique song........but its relevant for this topic....my stammering journey....
as far as i can remember i started stammering since when i was 6 years old....during those days i was not conscious about my stammer though i knew something was wrong with my speech. I ignored it that time.
i was very mischievous boy when i was young...my father used to scold me everyday for my mischiefs and pranks i played around the people.......
but as i grew up , the stammer was getting worse day by day and I started experiencing embarrassing situations. I was not able to answer my roll call without stammering ...and when someone used to ask my name...my heart used to beat like metal..and i used to get stomach cramps....and i used to be in confused state and my mind used to go blank...and i would end up stammering my name.....so.....these experiences were very discouraging and sad..... i have experienced this many times in my childhood days .

During the early teenage years...........those days were like pure HELL ..bcoz somedays i dread waking up from the sleep...bcoz i knew that i would have face same experiences again...i had become very shy by then . I used to speak to very few people and i ignored speaking to " girls " and strangers .
This affected my academic performance also. My parents used to scold me for my poor performance ...and i could not get words to explain them why this happens..!!

I had not told my parents that i had a stammer bcoz i thought that they knew it since I stammered from childhood. At that time everyday of my life was like a punishment . I sometimes get goosebumps when i remember those days.

When things got worse , I started looking for cure on internet and I was surprised that there were so many stammering self-help communities and so many people have stammering experiences like me . I was totally surprised.

One incident that was turning point on this introverted way of living was when I was in first year of engineering and a teacher asked the class to introduce themselves....one by one students got up and started introducing themselves ...as time went on...my anxiousness and my fear started to take over me...and when it was my turn I had my worst stutter . I had to force out every word from my mouth and introduced myself . I was in total shock for few moments when I realized that I could not even introduce myself without stammering ....
after the incident...my mind was getting inclined to suicidal ideas...thoughts....
for a few months this continued...but then i dropped the idea of suicide.....and decided that I must overcome this stammer no matter what it takes....

i talked to my parents about this....and as a big surprise they refused to accept that i have a stammer and its affecting my life...they scolded me for this too....hmm.....its weird why they did this to me...probably they did not had the courage to accept my stammer because some parents cant face the the truth that their child has some shortcomings...... I did not gave up...I again approached them with my problem many times. At last one day after much persuasion and literally crying for help . They were ready to take me to psychiatrist.

After then i was counseled by many psychiatrists and doctors.The advices they gave were very good but I was not satisfied with their techniques of overcoming stammer.......
At that time my father had completed one ten day vipassana course which works on basic mind diseases of craving and aversion......I was attracted to this meditation technique....I thought lets try it...may be its useful for me.....I told my parents that i wish to join this course.They initially refused but on persuasion by a doctor they accepted my request.
I completed one Ten day vipassana course in Igatpuri . The course was wonderful....life changing experience...... i discovered many things about my " self" ....like the Jesus said " know thyself..this meditation was a total know thyself experience ......
i discovered that my root cause of my stammer was fear of unknown.........it was in my mind and can be cured by mind only......
I can say that my second phase of life started after this course.........i want to tell u that I AM NOT advertising any meditation technique here . I am just sharing my personal true experiences.....
My stammering reduced a lot after this course. I learned to accept my stammer.I have rehearsed speaking my name ..introducing myself.....in front of mirror for many many days.

After some days I was able to answer " my roll call" ," talk to girls " ,introduce myself in front of unknown people"" giving some presentations in my college..."" :-)).

I still stammer but its not that severe as it was before . And now I am in a course of full recovery .I am getting a lot of help from my Friends. And also to tell you, my Parents are not interested in my stammering recovery....hmmm.....it happens.....when people dont understand the problem they cant think about it and they have no idea how to deal with it.....it happens with some of us....its ok for me...but I still love my parents no matter what happens.
Life has taught me many lessons which I cant forget ..It has taught me to take the hits and move forward...to persevere till the blessings come..... The stammer is still there but ....it does not affect me because I know I can fight it . I have had to fight like hell and fighting like hell has made me what I am.............

thank u guys for reading my blog........i know its really long and boring for some of you .....but its all true.......straight from my heart.......
take care....

enjoy my youtube channel : http://www.youtube.com/user/TheSupersandesh

Carry on on your great journey, SuperSandesh. You have given a super sandesh! Thank you!