Do you have guts to look into the mirror

(or camera – and talk? ...Mirror, mirror on the wall..)

Do you have lot of courage? Do you love attempting impossible? Then, this exercise is certainly for you. Look into mirror and talk. And stammer! Meet your eyes, look at your face. Listen to your words as they struggle to come out and guess your thoughts running through your head at the moment. This is how you slowly get to know what you do when you stammer. Only, then, you can change it. It is difficult, very painful - but it works. Ever heard the saying, mirror never lies? Here is a little true story about a brave boy and a his honest friend, his mirror.

Case study: When Ashok was taken to a speech therapist for the first time, he was eighteen. This is how the interview went:

Ashok: I sometime cant speak.

Doctor: What do you mean? You are speaking fine now.

Ashok: yes, but sometime, I get stuck.

Doctor: stuck by what?

Ashok: I dont know. But words dont come out. And I tremble.

Doctor: Tremble? How? Where? Can you show me?

Ashok tried hard and many times but just could not – nor could he explain what actually happened to him, what did he do in those moments. He realized that even though he had stammered for more than ten years on a daily basis, he did not really know much about his own stammering: all he knew was, something- just something happened in those moments. He does not do anything- something just comes over him; something JUST happens to him. He saw doctor smile indulgently when he said so. This was very surprising. He was a very intelligent student, he had scored very good marks in class twelve exams. He could answer almost anything from the curriculum or beyond it. But today, he felt totally stumped. How could it be?

He began receiving the answers when he joined a self help group for people who stammer in his city. He learned, that his mind had mastered the trick of erasing the memory tape for those few minutes when he stammered; since he hated stammering, his mind skipped recording his behavior and reactions during those moments of stammering. His mind even developed a language to deny and ignore his stammering: I just get stuck a little on some words sometime. No, it is not a big thing. It will be okay. Sometime, he would outright say: No, I dont stammer. In fact, quite often he did just that.

He learned that human mind was a very intelligent computer: It could deny what was so obvious to others or- it would simply deny its own role in it: I dont do anything- it just happens. Now the problem was- if Ashok was not creating the problem, how could he ever solve it? If it happens on its own- it can go on happening on its own! Can’t it?

This was when his SHG started asking everyone to come with a small mirror. They looked in the mirror and actually stammered! It was difficult to begin with- but he saw everyone doing it and even having fun. Then, he learned the art of keeping his eyes open DURING stammering and looking straight into his eyes. He began noticing his face, neck etc. He noticed that when he stammered, he would open his mouth, his tongue will come out a little, his forehead will go back- and his eyes would try to go up. But he trained his eyes to keep looking into the mirror. All this was very repulsive in the beginning but Ashok always prided himself on his courage and deep sense of adventure. So he stuck to it.

He began noticing a change: since now he knew, that he pushed his forehead back unconsciously during a block- he would pay close attention to his neck, forehead and mouth, whenever he went in a block and resisted that tendency. Sometime, he would just fake a block and do the opposite of his old habits. Very soon, a time came, when he was able to fake a block, with a straight face, and come out of the block with a gentle bounce. He tried it first in his self help group, then with his friend and now he is doing it with strangers. In fact, his blocks have become few and very mild. No one notices them anymore, because he has learned to carry on whatever he is saying, as if nothing happened. And really nothing has happened. But yes, it took him regular practice for about nine months.

Practical ideas:

1. Take a mirror and talk. Watch yourself carefully. Fake a block and see what happens. Whatever you do with your mouth is “primary” stammering. And whatever you do with the rest of your body (and mind) is a secondary reaction or behaviors learned over years. It is the secondary behaviors which you have to change. Primary stammering eases out on its own.

2. To study your secondary reactions, you can use even a cellphone camera with a video function. Let there be lot of light on your face, as you record. You may not stammer much when you record yourself first time. Try talking to someone and get your friend to record you. Replay it many times and study each and every behavior closely.

3. Let us take the example of eye blinking. In front of a mirror or a video camera, change (and review) the rate and type of blinking through a wide range of settings. For example, blink very fast while talking; then slowly. Then, shut your eyes completely and say a complete sentence. Then, time your slow blinking with every pause in a sentence (comma, semi-colon etc). Then, stare without blinking and say a complete sentence or two. Then, do the full exercise with another person. Frequently replay the tape and review your progress.

4. Same should be done with other secondaries, like head nodding. If you jerk your head back wards, when stammering- change it to forward jerks, then left and right. Change it to fast jerks, then very slow. Finally, stop all head movements, and fake a stammer. Record all this and review it.

5. Do the above exercise with the help of a friend or in your self help group.