(Part 5 of Real Tough Kids)

Dear children, laughing is like oxygen. You need just a little and you cant live without it for long. Sometime we laugh because something has truly amused us. Sometime it happens on its own and we dont really understand what actually amused us. Sometime we laugh at ideas, at situations and sometime at people. Sometime we join others in a good laugh. Sometime we laugh AT others. Sometime we laugh at ourselves. But laugh one must. You cant live for long without it.

Laughing is like an antidote to the sadness, which often over powers our hearts because of our daily difficulties with our speech. These difficulties can not be laughed away- because it is laughing by others which causes 90% of our difficulties. Yes, when others laugh at our stammering, they are laughing at our difficulties, even though they may not realize this. But what happens if we could join them in a good laugh? Here is a true story of such a brave girl who actually tried this idea and changed her life for ever.

Case study: Kalpana lived in a hostel from the age of seven, when her mother died. Shubha, her best friend and Kalpana had shared this room in the hostel for last three years in the college. Kalpana knew that many people raised their eye-brows, whenever she stammered- or did a quick double take; it did not bother her but she felt more at ease in the company of Shubha, because unlike other girls, she had never brought it up, even in their worst arguments. Yes, girls can say very mean things to each other, when they fight- just like boys.

Earlier Shubha used to sometime say the difficult words for her, till Kalpana stopped her one day. But still, she was aware of the painful silence, whenever they met some stranger and introduced themselves. Kalpana, could almost mind-read Shubha and feel her discomfort, as she would get stuck on K in her name. But what could she do about it? If pain was there it had to be endured. It was her fate. What else? This was the reason, why she would try meeting other girls, at least for the first time, in absence of Shubha.

Now after Durga Puja holidays, one day, on late return from home, she had to phone and report to admin office about her late arrival; She phoned and got this clerk, who also had a stutter. She of course did not know. He asked her name and got stuck on 'What' in What is your name?. She guessed the question and jumped right in – "Kalpana Rai". But as fate would have it, she too got stuck on K. A long minute of repetitive block on both sides! Then, suddenly the clerk banged the phone down, while she was still in the middle of her repetitions on K!! She heard a loud giggle behind her. She turned: Shubha was rolling on bed in hysterics. Something happened and Kalpana too burst out laughing!

After they were a little in control of themselves, Shubha asked:

Why did you laugh?

Because you laughed first! Why did you laugh?

Dont know. Just could not help it. Shubha replied a little sheepishly now.

But I am very angry with that shit head of a clerk- Kalpana said- What does he think- no one else has a right to stammer but he? How foolish, he thought I am taking him off! Just imagine. Oh- I cant help laughing now..How funny!

Kalapana again burst out laughing. Shubha now came close and teased her:

Kalapana, are you going to let him get away? Certainly not. Pick up the phone.

Kalpana, picked up the phone and as she started M-M-My name... the phone was put down again. Both friends burst out laughing once again. Finally Shubha said- let me phone the guy. But Kalapana was now deriving some fun in the whole episode and had no intention of giving up the phone. Third time, Mrs Sinha, the administrative officer, picked up the phone. Kalpana explained everything- that she too stammers and just needs a few extra minutes to finish- and the silly misunderstanding. After a few minutes, the clerk in question was back on phone with apologies.

Later that day, Kalpana kept on thinking about it. For the first time, somebody's laughing at her stammering did not hurt. First time, she realized that Shubha laughed not because she wanted to- but it just happened that way. It was so spontaneous that even Kalpana joined her in the long bout of laughter. She discovered that if she let herself go- she could laugh at herself. And it felt such a relief and 'release'. Gradually a change came over Kalpana. She became more relaxed in class, canteen, everywhere. As a result she was talking much more easily. She discovered that many more girls were seeking her company now. Her stammering was there but her personality had changed.

Practical Ideas:

1. Start with very close friends or family members. Say something like this but WITH a smile: I sometime get stuck on words and just cant get going. Not funny when it happens- but now I can smile about it.

2. Share a joke about yourself (not about your stammering) with friends and laugh. Gradually, tell a joke about your stammering experience and laugh. It will be difficult in the beginning but it would set you free from the inner lingering sadness for ever.

3. Read and learn about real life PWS who became real comedians, entertainers, actors and singers. Do they accept their stammering in public media? How do they do it? With smile and lightness? (watch Rithik's Interview- Tere mere beech)

4. Write small funny anecdotes / poem about your speech experiences.

5. Laughing at oneself needs courage and is a sign of maturity. But laughing at oneself does not mean- that you do not take yourself seriously. Take your work, your studies, play and everything you do- seriously. And never laugh at others.