Here is the testimony of an 'internalized' (covert) stutterer:

For many years, I did not know- for sure- who I was. Sometimes I stammered uncontrollably- sometime I spoke normally, even fluently. Was I a stutterer or was I a normal person? This was a big question, I went to sleep with; and wondered again every morning, as a child and adolescent. Stakes were high. And the world responded differently to these two different kind of persons. Who was I? Whenever I spoke, I was a little confused- am I going to stammer or am I going to speak normally?

Sometimes, I would try to forcibly push this question out of my mind – and into the subconscious- and would try to focus at the task at hand: speaking. Sometimes this trick worked. So, I decided to disown my stammering self, leave it behind in a dungeon of indifference, in a limbo. My motto was: if you want to speak like normal people, BELIEVE that you are a normally speaking person! It worked for years- but every once in a while, I would feel as if something is missing. Kunti may have felt it in her latter years- because she too had disowned her son, Karna for years. Like Kunti in the epic Mahabharat, one day, I too approached my stuttering self in the dark dungeon- with understanding, compassion and acceptance.

Some more years passed by, and then, one day I said- of course I am beyond both my stuttering self and fluent self. These are just two roles I am playing on this world stage. My real Self, with a capital S, is beyond both and can never be compromised by whatever the world grants or holds back..

This was the turning point in my life.. and a very 'spiritual' moment. There are many ways to approach God. I chose the stuttering way..

To many of us, stuttering has an ethical dimension. We are hiding something in every social transaction. Is hiding our disfluency the same as hiding our bodies under clothes? Immaterial? Is hiding our stammer the same as hiding our income during an income tax assessment? Which is more unethical? If so, who are we sinning against?

As we grow older, we understand, the fine difference: we do 'short change' our listeners, when we try to pass off for a 'fluent' person, not our true selves- but he or she may not hold it against us; they may not even notice it many times. But we do ourselves considerable injustice in the process. We restrict our possibilities for growth and true communication.

Now, how does one come out of this dilemma? A little humility and a lot of courage is what one needs to step out of the conditioned responses. We need to ask ourselves, how much do I allow myself to be influenced by society? Is there anything beyond the society and the world, whose approval and acceptance should matter to me? This is how a spiritual inquiry begins. If we persist we find answers not only to our stammering but to a much deeper question: what is the purpose of my life? How do I make it more meaningful and true to that purpose?